Welcome to my little digital diary where ull witness me spilling my brains out on the web bcuz i, in fact, am quite annoying and i dont want to bother anyone w my thoughts these r things i dont word out anyways so im TECHNICALLY gonna talk by myself, i mean, isnt that what diaries r for?
TW: MENTIONS OF S*LF H*RM, BODY DYSMORPHIA, S*ICIDE, D*ATH, we get personal in here babez!
YOOOO ITS BEEN AGES LMAO theres so much to unwrap and a bunch of canon events took place but basically, i quit my poopy job at MINISO, i was slowly going insane and it was for my own good srsly, those bitches were so weird and genuinely didnt know how to act properly and how to interact normally, shady gossip, jealousy, just weird childish shit i did NOT want to deal with. my boss tho still remains a sweetie, loved her from the start til finish, she understood me so well and emphatized with me so much! anyways, i got fucking shamed for being neurodivergent (havin a resting bitch face n not understanding jokes or enjoy talking much and not sharing the same interests as the others), we deadass had a whole meeting about this bcuz this bitch of a coworker w the evil eye on her profile (which is funny bcuz shes the EVIL HERSELF) tried to portray me as some evil bitch when all i try is to be chill w everyone but if u step on my shoe bitch u better expect some attitude!!! i never start anything until other bitches do! she was paranoic af, she said i once rolled my eyes at her n shit WHICH IVE NEVER DONE THAT IN MY LIFE CUZ THATS NOT HOW I WAS EDUCATED??? N I PHYSICALLY CANT DO IT LMAO? said i gave her weird stares and that i look constantly pissed or sad or mad around her, to which i explained thats just my face, none of ur bussiness literally, not my fault u feelin attacked by MY FACE ALONE??? bunch of weirdos man i swear to god. and the little bitchy assistant manager ive mentioned before in my entries, she started acting nice for a while, we were cool, until she ganged up with the evil eye bitch...lmao and on my last day i was like OMG YALL IM GONNA COME BACK N MAKE YALL SOME SALES LOL YALL THE ONLY PLACE I SHOP AT ANYWAYS!............and YOU BET i NEVER came back and WILL never. its so crazy to me i grew up thinking adults are more mature and that everything will be alright when i grow up, no more bullying, no more gossip, no more childish stuff! but nah, ITS EVEN WORSE WHICH IS UTTERLY INSANE! ITS LIKE SOME PEOPLE JUST DONT GROW UP EMOTIONALLY LIKE THEY LACK EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE! AND THE FACT THAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE? naaaaaaaaaaah sign me tf out! jk, i still need a job, u cant live life without working unfortunately. and it wasnt my coworkers only, the customers as well.... if theres a hell out there, it must be RETAIL cuz ive never seen more NPCs in my life, completly unaware and brainless folks that need more help than a disabled person. and mind you, its a TINY ASS SHOP AND U STILL NEED HELP TO FIND SOMETHING THAT IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU SIR??? GOSH DAMN! i dont even swear this much in real life, its the english thats enabling me rn i swear lmao. OH AND I GOT MY PHONE STOLEN ONE NIGHT ON MY FIRST ONE PERSON SHIFT LMAO AND YEAH U BET I CALLED THE POLIOCE N HE GOT CAUGHT N HES UNDER ARREST N ME N OTHER VICTIMS R GOING TO COURT IN AUGUST BAHAHAHAHAHA. the thing that sucks tho is that i had so many pics n memories on that phone that my stupid ass did not back up, so many things on my SD card too......rip to the pics of me and my old friends and to all the blackmailing material i had...LMFAO. ended up gettin a new phone w my own money bitch. got myself some glasses too bcuz im blind, my vision got mad deteriorated.
another canon event is that i moved to another store in a mall cuz the place i got my phone stolen at was ghetto af anyways and i DID NOT FEEL SAFE IN THERE, and omg..............i regreted that decision so much i didnt even last ONE MONTH AND I MOVED BACK WHERE I CAME FROM CUZ MY GOD THOSE GIRLS WERE A MESS BRUH, THE STORE WAS A MESS ITSELF THEY COULDNT EVEN USE A BROOM PROPERLY OR SWIPE THE DUST....... THE BOSS TOLD ME I INTIMIDATE AND UNDERESTIMATE HER WHEN I WASNT DOING SHIT BRUH I WAS JUST MINDING MY OWN BUSSINESS WORKIN N DOIN THE TASKS SHE GAVE ME, ANOTHER BITCH SAID IM CRAZY AND DUMB CUZ I TOLD HER TO STOP BEIN ON HER PHONE WHEN WE HAD A BUNCH OF SHIT TO DO, oh and she always had something to say to me when i left work, never face to face, a complete pussy, and u know i screenshoted all the shit she told me n made a report and went to the office with it and told the bosses bout it and she got her salary cut mhm yup! i dont swallow any sort of disrespect when i done complelty nothing to you. i dont even care about you bro, you could die the next day and all i would say is damn rip! and move on w my day!
on a good note tho, my sister that was diagnosed with hairy cell leukemia back in march, SHES IN FULL REMISSION! basically theres no sign of cancer in her body anymore!! shes back to being her normal silly self. man ive spent WEEKS wondering and pondering on why the fuck her and not me. if theres a god out there, why tf is he choosing the best of people. it was a very difficult period of time, going to work, going to the hospital to visit her n bring her stuff w my mom, seeing her teeth slowly decay because of her treatment, coming back home crying, praying, having to go back to work the next day...life goes on indeed.
ON ANOTHER GOOD NOTE, im back to making art lol. ever since i got this retail job in october, my life took a complete PAUSE. its like i pressed the PAUSE button in my brain or something bcuz i was not able to do anything else but come home, take a shower, eat and sleep. and maybe clean if it was necessary. but thats all. complete burnout. i felt like a roach in that one kafka book. also my ciggarete addiction was at its peak, still kinda is cuz now im FULLY addicted and smoking is fukin disgusting ik, but my boss was a big smoker n offered me PACKS and always wanted me to go outside w her on smoke breaks lol. im now back on my creative shit and working on my portfolio, going to expos n whatever, entering open calls and so on. oh and right when i got back on creating pieces, i got fukin ripped off by this bitch who has like 10k followers on insta that does the most CRAP art ive ever seen. writing cringe shit on a blank background aint art babe! BUT PEOPLE BE EATING IT UP WHICH IS INSANE, ONCE AGAIN, PEOPLE ARE FUKIN WEIRD! she stole my shit BAR FOR BAR, COLOR FOR COLOR, THEME FOR THEME! a complete talentless individual with 0 creativity, style and imagination, a copycat. making art for fun and happiness just to be fun and happy vs making art for money and fame, its the difference between authenticity and passion vs desire that people dont see in todays art i swear
ANOTHER CANON EVENT THAT HAPPENED THESE PAST FEW MONTHS was that my highschool friendgroup is gone, trios never work out fr AND ESPECIALLY IF THERES A CIS HET MAN INVOLVED ON MY MOMMA THIS SPECIMEN HAS LIKE NO GRIP ON REALITY, NO CONSCIENCE AND NO MORALS. so basically we started as a 5 ppl friend group in highschool till one of em couldnt handle being rejected by my bff and left and then, this gay dude, decided to fly to the netherlands with a guy hes in a one sided relationship with, he doesnt love this man at all, only stays with him for the money and for the various opportunities. he's an opportunistic mdfk basically. and he basically dropped us completely for that guy. so now we're 3. me, my bff and this other guy...... there's like so many things wrong w this guy idk where to start but imma just say this. he had a crush on my bff since grade 9 UNTIL NOW, TO THIS FUCKING DAY. DUDE HAS A CRUSH ON HER FOR 6 YEARS NOW. THATS FUCKING INSANE. and yes u guessed it. he got in this friend group for the simple fact that he liked my bff and had no choice but to befriend her friends. he never wanted to be friends w me or the others in the first place and nor did we get along most of the time but he had no choice LMAO. me n him would bicker and shit on eachother all the time cuz we just simply didnt get along and dude had MAD anger issues. we we're on and off w this guy cuz he would go MISSING FOR MONTHS LOL and then come back and say "haha just my mental health type shit hahaha" and 3 months ago we got back together, we hung out, we had gaming nights, and jesus christ this dude still had a crush on my bff cuz one night i left the voice chat early cuz i was sleepy n only the 2 of em remained n my guy was like......hey u wanna come w me tomorrow night n drive around? but like dont tell mihaela (me lol) about this ok? plz? and my bff was liiikkeeeee LMAO NAAAAH TF n the next day he left all the groupchats we had n we asked him yo whats wrong. and he said some shit like, real friendship doesnt exist and that he still liked my bff and couldnt keep going knowing she doesnt like him back.....this also happened while i was going thru shit bcuz my sis had cancer.....no fucking shame at all. and yeah the group broke up. now we, me n bff, are in a new one! and god i hope this type of shit doesnt happen again bcuz the group is formed of MEN ONCE AGAIN.........SO IM EXPECTING THE UNEXPECTED.
ummmm ok so these past few weeks my phone got stolen at work, moved to another shop, the coworkers in that shop suck the ripping hell out of me, my older sister got diagnosed with hairy cell leukemia and my friend trio got destroyed.
LOOK AT MY CURRENT NAILS THO!
OK ANYWAYS IM BEIN LATE TO WORK
i got my nails done for the first time! almond shaped n a subtle pink n glittery, im feelin more in touch w my femininity now lol. n i will bring my mom next month to get her nails done as well n i will pay for them cuz she deserves to be spoiled just like she has spoiled me all her life!
also i was reminiscing on my 2 month relationship w my slimy ex aka lambda aka alexandros elenkos. they would take weird creepy pictures without me knowing or being aware that i was photographed, they would always have alcohol at their place and would always give me some, it was either beer or rose wine, one day they were shaving their beard and asked me if i wanted to be shaved as well, and i said i dont shave my facial hair, only my baby hairs and they said oh ok, and guess what they proceeded to do? they started shaving my hair off my cheek... and i was like bro i said i dont shave my facial hair wtf r u doing??? u dont like my facial hair?? i dont quite remember what they replied but i think they just shrugged it off... what a weirdo, they also wanted to hear me piss??? i took it as a joke til one day they actually sat at the door and then complained they didnt hear anything...and they told me that one time they got horny from smelling a girls coochie odor from under her skirt?????? i was like hell nah this bro needs to be kept and locked far away from society fr im so glad i never fucked them not like i even wanted to but they would seriously push me to it by trying to get me drunk, they were always horny n walked around me w a boner 24/7 i felt disgusted and fetishized and objectified....omg i still remember when i gave them head and i covered their face bcuz this person is just ugly as shit and has the facial bone structure of a mouth breather.....so therefor thats a big turn off...AND YES, I KNEW this individual was a complete weirdo and that the shit they did was wrong but when u in a manic episode u dont rlly think u know? all u want is entertainment and ur bored af n need some funny stories to tell other people! BUT the fact that augustine took my exs side and stabbed me behind my back after i vented to her, and made me look like a terrible human being online after i called lambda out... truly demented and it honestly depresses me because I KNOW augustine did that just because she was jealous of me and SOLELY bcuz lambda identified themselves as transgender....you see honey....not all trans people are angels you dumb white knight bitch. and thats not rlly FEMINIST of you as u keep saying you are lmfao. god i truly hope augustine gets hit by a car and breaks her legs or something. and omg i cant forget the day lambda woke up n had to go to work and couldnt find their other earring and was frantically looking for it and i was like bruh its fine its just an earring, go to work lol, but they was like, I CANT GO TO WORK WITH ONLY ONE EARRING IN MY EAR THEY WILL THINK IM GAY OR SOMETHING! BRUUUUUUUUUUHHHH HYPOCRITEEEEEE!!!
ANOTHER weird thing they did was ask me if i wanted to fly to another country w em when we only knew eachother for a month and a half......... i obviously said no tf? but they insisted that its ok, i dont need to pay anything, that they would pay for me....TF???? NAH THIS IS HOW PEOPLE DIE OR GET TRAFFICKED OR GOD KNOWS WHAT ELSE BUT NAH I SAID NUH UH BRUH GO TRAVEL BY YOURSELF TF ARE YOU ON ABOUT. and when we broke up they said some shit like, ugh im glad i didnt get those tickets for that flight......LIKE??? I TOLD YOU I DONT WANT TO?? BUT OFC U GON USE THAT TO SOMEHOW TRY TO GUILT TRIP ME LMAO FREAKKK
being with that person was simply traumatizing and GRROOOOOSSSSS. AND THEN TALK TO AUGUSTINE N TELL HER LIES THAT I WAS TRANSPHOBIC TOWARDS U WHEN I GIFTED U MAKEUP N LET U TRY ON MY PANTIES??? AIGHT! literally mdfk wanted me to use he/him pronouns in romanian n they/them in english like HUH BOTH? aight....
also the manager i mentioned in the "eventful month indeed" entry, he finally got fired last week after threatening me for not saying hi to him. men. he said hes gonna beat me up next time he sees me and shit like that n everyone heard him lol now theres no next time cuz ur now jobless and ugly BAHAHAHA. first time being threatened by a man in my 22 years of living, what a funny moment that was.
ok so uuuh late happy new year? lmao i spent my new years w my family cuz i broke up w a bunch of friends in 2022, my bff and like 2 friends still remain my ride or dies. maaaan 2022 was such a shit show but i did a bunch of things that year n i evolved a lot which im hella proud of. ive pretty much got rid of my anxiety completly thanks to my job and my amazing boss and my pills that im gonna quit this year! im proud of myself for pushing myself to do things that 19 year old me wouldve never done in her entire life. sadly my 2023 started terribly cuz of an ex friend of mine, augustine (ive mentioned her in previous entries), she detached herself completly from me and another friend aka gemineye, unfollowed us and blocked us everywhere and my autistic ass got mad CUZ I CANT KEEP MYSELF DOWN AND NOT SAY SOME SHIT THAT COMES OUT SOUNDING EXTREMLY RUDE THAN WHAT I INITIALLY INTENDED IT TO SOUND LIKE WHICH HAS BEEN A HUGE ISSUE IN MY ONLINE PRESENCE! but yeah i took her departure to heart because me and gemineye GREW augustine, if she never met us she wouldve never been a dj, she wouldve never performed at pride and she never showed us any gratitude and it didnt sit right with me....she basically used us. bitch is a GROUPIE. we even wanted to become a dj trio but yeah i was pretty aware that it would never happen lol. so yeah me and gemineye were her mothers lol. nothing wrong in sharing your interests with friends but its not ok to just take it and then discard your friends just like that! it hurts ffs! and i got mad when i noticed she unfollowed me and shit! and i posted a story where i was swearing a lot and basically said that augustine used us! to which augustine reacted......very strangely.....extremly weird in fact cuz it was quite shocking to be fair, i did NOT expect that. because next day when i woke up, i woke up to people sending me screenshots of augustines insta stories and guess what she was calling me..... u wont believe it.... a transphobe and a XENOPHOBE....AND LATER ON, HER FRIEND SAID IM 25????? WHEN IM NOT???? IM NOT ANY OF THESE??? SO I WAS FUCKING SHOCKED LIKE TF IS GOING ON HOLY SHIT. and i got fucking angry cuz how tf can you say such lies THAT YOU YOURSELF KNOW THEY ARENT TRUE, AUGUSTINE! YOU JUST BE SAYING SHIT! AND OF COURSE I DEFENDED MYSELF ON MY STORIES, I EVEN POSTED BUNCH OF PROOF UNLIKE YOU, EVEN MY FUCKING ID BCUZ A BITCH AINT 25! YOU DEFENDED MY EX, YOURE INSANE, YOU DONT KNOW HALF OF THE SHIT THAT WENT DOWN IN THAT RELATIONSHIP AND THE FACT THAT YOU WOULD RATHER BELIEVE A SLIMY GROOMER AND NOT YOUR OWN FRIEND IS UTTERLY DESPICABLE! YOU DEFENED YOUR FRIEND AND ROOMMATE! FUCKING ROOMMATE MOTH, YOU NEVER CALLED THEM OUT WHEN ARLO CAME TO ME AND TOLD ME HOW UNCOMFY HE FEELS AROUND MOTH AND HOW HE FELT LIKE HE WAS A SEX OBJECT AROUND MOTH, YOURE A TERRIBLE FUCKING PERSON AUGUSTINE, THIS IS WHY THE ROMANIAN QUEER COMMUNITY IS SHIT! FULL OF PEDOS AND GROOMERS THANKS TO YOU! BUT YEAH, CALL ME TRANSPHOBIC AND XENOPHOBIC W NO PROOF CUZ IM A WHITE CIS HET PASSING WOMAN SO ITS EASIER FOR PEOPLE TO BELIEVE YOUR DISGUSTING WORDS AINT IT? IF I WAS TRANSPHOBIC I WOULDVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDS WITH YOU, YOU DUMB ASS, I WOULDVE NEVER DONE YOUR MAKEUP, NEVER BROUGHT U NAILPOLISH, I WOULDVE NEVER TALKED TO YOU OR BEFRIEND YOU TO BEGIN WITH, I WOULDVE NEVER HELPED ARLO CHANGE HIS NAME, I WOULDVE NEVER ATTENTED ALL THESE QUEER EVENTS, I WOULDNT EVEN BE IN THE QUEER COMMUNITY????? AND THANKS TO YOU AND YOUR FALSE ALLEGATIONS, U REPORTED MY INSTA AND ITS NOW GONE! 6 YEARS WORTH OF PICTURES AND ARCHIVED VIDS AND MESSAGES GONE BECAUSE OF YOU AND YOU NEVER APOLOGIZED PUBLICLY FOR IT YOU ONLY APOLOGIZED IN PRIVATE WHEN I ASKED YOU TO FUCKING STOP! CALLING ME A XENOPHOBE WHEN I TRAVELED ACROSS THE COUNTRY, WHEN MY FUCKING COWORKER IS FILIPINO IF I WAS XENOPHOBIC I WOULDN'T BE FUCKING WORKING WITH HIM YOU SICK FUCK, I TRAVELED TO HOLLAND AND GERMANY WITH MY SISTER AND HER THAI BOYFRIEND, VISITED CHURCHES, WHEN I HAVE ROMANI FRIENDS, MY EX WAS HALF GREEK, LEARNED NEW LANGUAGES, I WAS A VOLUNTEER FOR DIVERSE CULTURAL EVENTS! CALLING ME A XENOPHOBE BECAUSE I ONCE SAID THAT I DONT SUPPORT RELIGIONS BECAUSE OF THE DAMAGE THEY HAVE CAUSED AROUND THE WORLD??? THAT MUST MEAN YOU DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS WORD EVEN MEANS??? WHAT EVEN IS A XENOPHOBE AND TRANSPHOBE NOWADAYS??? FUCK YOU AUGUSTINE AND FUCK YOU EZRA FOR BUTTING IN AND FUELING AND MILKING THIS WHOLE ORDEAL YOU FUCKING FAR LEFTIST CUNT YOU HAVENT TOUCHED A GRAIN OF GRASS IN AGES AND IT SHOWS! GET IN TOUCH W REALITY! TALK TO PEOPLE! GET OFF UR LIL INSTA AND STOP BELIEVING EVERY INSTA POST U SEE BABEZ! LEARN TO THINK FOR YOURSELF! HOW TF U GON LIE THAT IM 25 WHEN WEVE BEEN FRIENDS FOR YEARS, WHEN I EVEN POSTED MY GOD DAMN ID, YOURE MENTAL. so yeah my fucking instagram account is gone bcuz of a triggering ugly lying bitch, luckily i still have my side account. i still find it crazy how a few of my followers actually believed augustine rather than stick around and look at the proof i was posting....i keep ALL the conversations on my phone, i have ALL the screenshots needed to show how augustine is just lying cuz she doesnt wanna let people know that she dropped and used her dj friends that gave birth to her lol, remember, you became madame thussy AFTER us, bitch. if you're reading this, you're not getting away with this. you've fucked with the wrong person.
update:i fukin called her at work n everyone heard me scream at the bitch lmao i had to explain it to them n they were like wow this augustine bitch must have some loose screws, and guess what she had to say on the phone! "leave me alone, of course you're going to say you have friends of colour that's what everyone says to not look racist, bye" and blocked my number.... NOBODY WAS EVEN TALKING ABOUT RACISM??? WHAT HAS RACISM ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS??? PLUS THAT DIDNT MAKE ANY SENSE??? SIS IS GOIN COMPLETELY DELUSIONAL AT THIS POINT CUZ I LITERALLY CALLED TO END THIS BULLSHIT AND TELL HER TO APOLOGIZE PUBLICLY N THE BITCH HAD NOTHING TO SAY BUT THAT SHE DOESNT CARE AND THAT SHE HAS BIGGER PROBLEMS GOING ON IN HER LIFE! GOOD! HOPE THE WORST HAPPENS TO U SWEETHEART! SHE WANTS TO RETREAT LIKE SHE DIDNT DO ME THE BIGGEST DAMAGE ANYONE HAS EVER DONE TO ME ONLINE. i wish her the worst in life lol, she's already suffering the consequences of karma and NOT calling out the right person aka her roommate moth lol.
i fkn love christmas n i fkn love the vouchers n money we received today at work, spent it all on gifts for my family hehe ANYWAYS INSTAGRAM FUCKING SUCKS FUCK THAT SHITTY CENSORING APP, IT BE CENSORING EVERYTHING BUT PEDOPHILES AND GORE, CANT EVEN SWEAR IN PEACE ON MY PRIVATE STORIES ANYMORE CUZ IT ALL GETS TAKEN DOWN I HATE THIS and i hate the fact that i still find it much easier to just grab my phone n type my thoughts on insta stories when i could do the same here but that would mean for me to open up my pc, google neocities, click edit and then proceed to type on this huge ass keyboard, its so much easier typing on a screen....and i did make this site ESPECIALLY FOR ME to spill my thoughts and leave social media but holy shit its hard....but again, most of my audience is on insta sooooo......i fukin love complaining its so important to me and my lifestyle, it adds the spice it needs n i love gossiping! without these, life would be too boring for me to handle!
havent updated the journal in a month srry yall ive been busy w work and busy getting this fuckin manager assistant fired, act like a bitch towards me and youll get what you deserve hun. get humbled bitch. one thing that i WONT do in this lifetime is let people shit in my mouth. how tf r u going to threaten me that ur kicking me out for asking you to put a trash bag over the fucking trash can lmao i love hurting mens ego, they cant even mop or swipe the floor or else their lil hands will break. had a whole ass fight in the work groupchat bcuz motherfucker was trying to lie about me not working motherfucker look on the fucking cameras u dumb bitch, even the boss was siding w me cuz dude was starting to just straight up spew nonsense. boss was like, aight this motherfucker gotta leeeaaavveeee cuz he was starting to threaten me again in the groupchat while i was tryna keep the convo as civilised as possible, i was only defending myself and bro didnt like that not one bit lmmaaaooo! all the coworkers have been complaining about this dude so it aint the first time he got bad reviews but i guess i was the only one to be upfront about it. everyone is just too scared to speak up and i find that kinda sad ngl.
work work work....and dont get me wrong, i dont hate working, im fine with doing stuff and im also a fast learner...but its the people that suck the soul, the spirit out of you. they make you go NUTS FFS childish bickering, dumb cunts, people that are simply bored and looking for trouble, entitled fuckers, KARENS, tweakers and the list goes on. its DRAINING HAVING TO DEAL WITH SUCH PEOPLE ON A DAILY BASIS! GIVE ME A BREAK! AND A LONG ONE AT THAT, 2 FREE DAYS AINT GON HELP ME RECOVER!
been spending my lil free time playing cyberpunk 2077 to help me get my head off things, its srsly a good game tbh i dont get the hate towards it, its entertaining and interesting, its pretty much gta but make it scifi
nothin new just my hairclips!
first things first! i finally bought (w my first salary aye!) and played MGRR and i. am. in. LOVE! fave game in forever, 2 more chapters n im almost done, ill definetly play it like 10 more times again n again cuz i love it THAT much.
the day of the meeting comes n we all pull up to the shop. they started talking bout our do's and dont's, pros and cons and bla bla bla... then here it comes. boss looks towards me n lets me do my talk. i look towards our first manager aka the BITCH n i tell her everything that bothered me! n i asked her if she got something personal w me n shes like "omg noooo ur wrong, i just dont think you work very much and you dont seem invested enough".........and im like......"thats your reason for disrespecting me and not telling me even ONE happy bday?" AND SHE GOES "i didnt even tell my OWN brother happy bday but u want me to tell you???".......EMBARASSING, HOW TF DO U NOT EVEN SAY HBD TO UR OWN BRO, thats deadass what i told her i was like holy moly tf. she mocked the nickname that our boss gave me, "miki" which is short for my name, she told me she apparently didn't know where it derived from.......bitch where tf do u think it comes from.... MICHAELANGELO?? she basically just spewed bullshit, didnt proceed to say sorry at all, then she told us we gotta be more dedicated n that we need to treat and take care of this SHITTY SMALL ASS SHOP like its our own home! NEVER! LMAO ILL NEVER TREAT A RETAIL SHOP LIKE MY OWN HOME TF I AINT NO PSYCHO TO OVERWORK MYSELF FOR SUCH A STUPID MEANINGLESS THING BRUH its not worth it. in the meantime im gonna stop taking things to heart n focus on my grind.
and today i triggered ALL THE RATTY ROMANIAN INSTAGRAM THRIFT RESELLING STORES THAT CALL THEMSELVES "small bussinesses".....nah hoe that aint a bussiness or a job thats just hustling IMO...its basically like those bitches on depop that take every cool clothing from the thrift stores n sell them triple the price. ppl that do this just dont wanna get an ACTUAL JOB n wanna rip ppl off their money on god sorry not sorry but its just such a wack thing to do.
yes i do work on myself everyday but sometimes i gotta let things out and this is my safe space! I DONT KNOW HOW OR WHAT I WANT TO BE!!! for a while now i wanted to be a girly girl, a fragile girl that needs constant help mainly from male figures. male figures that also find me attractive and cute and not annoying! my coworker is inspiring me to become one! omg male gaze????? idk rlly. the more i talk to this coworker the more i wanna be like her, cute, kind, soft spoken, obedient, frail....ILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH! im jumping from personality to personality, to way of talking to another way of talking, behaviour to behaviour, hand gesture to hand gesture, facial expression to facial expression, i dont even know myself anymore!!! i guess life is a constant path of finding yourself but holy shit 22 year old me is still struggling with this! i barely get any attention from men they all find me annoying and gross, maybe they dont, but thats what i believe! or my brain made me believe... not even women like me lol OR THE NON BINARY PEOPLE! who god fukin knows! im tired! im going to be whatever it doesnt fukin matter anyways, male attention or love or affection dont help my state at all anyways, you could say you love me or find me pretty and i still wont believe you, thats how rotten i am! i dont know how to make small talk or keep friendships i suck! cant wait to pull up in 2 weeks to my psych to tell her only a half of my thoughts only for her to nod and listen and slide a little roast in between...
im gonna end up lonely for life! people like me dont live for long anyways and god I HOPE SO!
been bullied all my life by everyone!!!! even by my family! mom called me a whore when i was 14 for wearing a slightly red lip balm to school! she wouldnt let me shave my legs or pluck my eyebrows or wear any makeup like the other girls did or let my hair down! she would force me to keep it in a ponytail constantly! thats also a reason as to why my hairline is fucked up now.... i was the ugly kid in my class because of mom, she wouldnt even let me pick my own clothes, she would give me the ugliest clothes ever! shes always been overprotective of me but it destroyed me! she would be jealous if i was close to a friend because she would believe she has been replaced or something?! and other traumatizing things only maybe a therapist should know. and the constant fights between my dad and mom and between mom and my severly autistic brother with violent outbursts, the sounds of slapping and punching and heavy breathing still scare me to this day and this still happens from time to time. its kind of a normality for me now but i dont know if ill ever forget the past! i srsly wish i had a normal childhood like everyone else but i guess im one of the unlucky ones that god doesnt seem to love!
omg im officially a lab rat for the mass corporations, cant wait for my first salary to come, no more hustling, we WORKIN! the work place is rlly cool n full of nice coworkers that give me coffee n cigz, pissed they wont let me wear my pink crocs to work UGH. everythings chill tho, i like it. sis fully moved out, been vibing w myself n IM LOOOOOOVING IT! also i have a new hyperfixation but this time im fixed on metal gear rising revengeance and devil may cry LMAO cant wait to buy MGRR, tried to crack the games but i virused the shit out of my pc, its fine now luckily....i got DMC:Devil May Cry tho!
never jump in a relationship with someone you actually know nothing about lmao ew. 2 people, almost strangers to one another, just knowing we have the same taste in music and aesthetic, loved the same games and shows, go out weekly, weekly visists to their place, hanging out, they cook for you, you compliment their cooking, a kiss, a hug, cuddles, you hang out buying groceries, going on little dates, you give eachother gifts, you play games together, you clean for them, you sleep together......these whole 2 months of being in a relationship (it wasnt even a relationship but lets call it that for the record) felt like a simulator. like i was programmed to do all of these, nothing felt real, this is shit that only happens in movies and books. i rather felt like a robot. i was like on auto pilot, i was never rlly there. bcuz i was in a manic episode and i didnt realize it till last week? highly possible. maybe bcuz i didnt even like this individual n bcuz i was manipulated? LMFAO YEA. we literally played this comforting role for eachother bcuz everyone needs some affection from time to time n we were obv needing it very badly. i have borderline, body dysmorphia, low self esteem and social anxiety and im heavily paranoic, they have borderline as well and gender dysphoria and depression (n whatever 100 of other mental illnesses including narcissism LMAO) a match made in hell and we shouldve known this wouldve never worked out....*inserts sad face* because we didnt know much about eachother we got in plenty of fights, there was lack of compassion from both of us then on i got triggered and i split last week and social media played a huge role to that sadly. ive apologized but its too late......*sad* the damage has already been done....
BAHAHAHAH SIKE U BELIEVED ALL OF THAT???!
this individual was beyond garbage i never fell in love w this person i only needed some data to add to my brain hard disk on the subject of relationships so i dont die without experiencing it all (aka doing it for the plot), i knew i was being groomed and fetishized for my short hair bangs n just overall for being a woman in the very first week of dating but i rlly was curious how garbage can an individual actually get AND WOW BRUH mdfk wanted to fuck 24/7 (I AINT INTO THAT HOOKUP SHIT) n wanted me to trust them after only knowing eachother for 3 weeks bro was expecting me to TRUST THEM AFTER THEYVE FUCKED BITCHES (BITCHES W HAIR BANGS OBVS LOL) RAW W NO CONDOM U STD BEARING ASS, ATE FEET, LIKES POLY RELATIONSHIPS, IS A PORN ADDICT, FOLLOWS BUNCH OF LEWD INSTA MODELS N BUNCH OF OTHER SHIT THAT I ONLY FOUND OUT AFTER BREAKING UP W THEM IVE LITERALLY DATED A DISCORD MOD! MDFK UGLY AS A FUKIN FISH NO CHIN LOOKIN ASS MOUTH BREATHER SHAPED ASS JAW THATS WHY U SNORE ALL THE TIME N THATS WHY I COULDNT SUCK UR DICK WITHOUT UR FACE BEING COVERED FFS IM FINNA VOMIT ON GOD! "just drink some alcohol" how bout u go jump off a cliff? lol silly. they were CONSTANTLY HORNY EVERYTIME I WOULD PULL UP THEY WOULD GO HORNY COULDN'T EVEN HAVE A GOOD CONVERSATION W THEM CUZ EITHER THEY WERE FOCUSED PLAYING CHESS ON THEIR PHONE OR SCROLLING ON TWITTER OR RUB THEMSELVES AGAINST ME LIKE A DOG IN HEAT N IM ONLY SAYING THE TRUTH, IM RAW N SAVAGE GET OVER IT, IT IS WHAT IT IS, TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT THE FUCKER WAS A STRAIGHT UP WEIRDO N A SPOILED LIL KID EW! THEY WOULD REPEAT THE WORDS "IM DEPRESSED :'(" EVERYTIME BRUH N THEN THEY WOULD GO "can we fuck?" hope they get fucked in the ass by a machete lmao, motherfucker had the balls to tell me that i look better with bangs when YOU YOURSELF LOOK LIKE A SEX OFFENDER TF?? dick havers will forever be trash no matter what. i have received my intel, the mission was accomplished, even received extra bonus materials aka their gifts n self defense weapons n free mcdonalds n vapes yuh yuh. mdfks will blame everything on depression, i know for a fact i aint gonna leave my toilet w shit stains on it like he used to do. gross ass discord mod fr. bro told me they had e-sex on discord LIKE CMNOOOONNN YOURE ILL M8! a whole ass 26 year old that works for a corpo...and a jobless 21 year old GIRL, the perfect prey for a weirdo. OMG N THEY USED TO TAKE PICS OF ME WITHOUT ME KNOWING, IT WAS SO DISTURBING....
on another note, my sister already moved her bags and luggage to her new apartment, the room is so empty now, just like me hahahahah. she will move tomorrow. hopefully i will get used to the feeling of being alone in my room. gonna get used to myself. in my own personal container, my own 4 walls.
SOLD 2 ARTWORKS LAST WEEK TO A GORGEOUS LADY THAT ABSOLUTELY LOVED EM, ive sold 3 paintings in total this year im happy, i hope more ppl will buy them, theyre authentic n unique n definetly not for everyone! w some of the money that i got i bought myself a new mouse n a new pair of headphonez! n yes! theyre both pink!!
my partner also got me an early bday present, A PINK VIBRATOR ITS SO CUTE BUT SOOOO POWERFUL IT SOUNDS LIKE ITS DRILLING MY COOTER LMAO luv it eitherwayz! also managed to get cyno on genshin after losing my 50/50 to yet another keqing lmao
OK SOOOO i been busy! lmao who am i kidding, i did nothing but hang out w bff n my partner AND go to some print shop for some training for their job! heres some shit i printed out/engraved myself!
was so happy bout this pic i printed out of porcelain black on my tshirt that i went ahead n tagged her on insta n asked her to digitally sign it to which she answered: ummm no. its counterfeit merch. BRUUUHHH I WAS SO EMBARRASED I DEFINETLY DID NOT THINK BOUT THAT ONE throughoutFULLY.....
LMAO MADE THIS CRINGE AH TIGHNARI CUP FOR MY BFF im such an amazing graphic designer (my boss wanted to put the writing on the cup, not me....)
other than that, ive been feeling lazy all week, idk i feel like im slacking, sis still hasnt moved out, some pipe broke down in her appartment, my trichotillomania is fucking my scalp up, my carpet and bed are full of clumps of hair, havent contacted my psychiatrist SINCE JUNE, my dermatitis is STILL NOT GONE, pussy got a bad RAZOR BURN and been vaping elf bars all day thanks to my partner that is HELLA ADDICTED TO THEM I MEAN LOOK AT THIS:
I FUKIN LOVE THE MONARCH ONE OMFG
ok so yesterday i went over my partners house n we celebrated their bday, gave em trinkets, drank proseco, got high off a joint, made out, n they also got me some cute shorts n this top!!!which u can see in dis pic heh, also im gettin addicted to elf bars ugh
look at this hello kitty perfume!!! not tellin anyone where i got it from!!bahaha (i stole it lol)
ALSO MY SISTER IS FINALLY MOVING OUT IN 5 DAYS BRUH IM SO EXCITED ITS GONNA FEEL LIKE A HUGE ROCK LIFTING OFF MY CHEST!
FIRST JOB INTERVIEW? FUCKING RUINED CUZ OF A HATING ASS BITCH!AIGHT OK SO a few days ago i was called for my very first interview at this rlly cool library that i been loving n visiting for AGES. me being one excited NUTCRACKER i posted bout it on my instagram story (NEVER POST BOUT UR JOBS ON SOCIAL MEDIA BRUH PLZ LISTEN TO ME) n joked bout how i used to steal from em back in 2019 when i was underage and they let me go (AND I STOPPED EVER SINCE THE POLICE PULLED UP TO MY MOMMAS HOUSE!) i love talkin bout ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING on my social im sadly very open, which is in fact a quite bad thing u never know WHO IS LURKING! but the thing is, my account on insta been private and it still IS and guess what.....ONE OF MY FOLLOWERS SNITCHED ON ME AND SENT A SCREENSHOT OF THAT ONE STORY I POSTED TO THE FUKIN MANAGER OF THE LIBRARY BRUH AND WHEN I PULLED UP TO THE INTERVIEW, THEY FUKIN SHOWED ME THE SCREENSHOT OF ME MAKIN A JOKE BOUT HOW I USED TO STEAL FROM THEIR STORE N THAT NOW IM WORKIN FOR THEM (ITS MY REDEMPTION ARC FFS).......ive never been more embarassed in my life.......i was shocked first of all, OUT OF ANYTHING THAT COULD GO WRONG AT A JOB INTERVIEW, THIS FUKIN HAPPENED, WEIRD AND BAD STUFF ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME IDK WHY BUT AT LEAST I GOT GOOD N FUNNY STORIES TO TELL??? i wanted to fukin die, i tried to laugh it off but they didnt look like they found it funny or anything, second of all, WHOOO???? WHO DID THIS N WHY DO THEY HAVE THE MANAGERS NUMBER???MUST MEAN SOMEONE WAS WORKIN FOR THIS LIBRARY N ALSO FOLLOWING ME....u gotta be one hating ass cunt to do this and ruin a really good opportunity for someone WHO IS GETTING BETTER! i was SOOOO sad n weirded out after the interview like damn, i didnt know people could be so rude AND SO HATEFUL??? to go out of their way and screenshot my story on my PRIVATE account to then send it to the store n tell em thats MY account....strange people man...get a fucking life and mind your own bussiness fr. this is one of the many reasons why i dont share my socials anymore, people have ill intentions and now im more paranoid than EVER.
anyways imma keep lookin for jobs, one hateful person aint going to stop my grind. NOW LOOK AT THESE POPTEEN MAGAZINES I GOT IN 2015-2016 FROM MY SIS BACK WHEN I WAS STILL LEARNIN JAPANESE! i dropped this language tho....felt too uninspired to study it anymore.
i also blinged up my old CD player 
(its like 15+ years old AND STILL WORKS PERFECTLY FINE)
hi, i want to try and start this entry on a brighter note, so first things first, we got rid of covid n my family is safe n sound, i finally got called for a job interview at a place i always wanted to work at and im actually dating someone after so fucking long (they got me discord nitro, they borrowed me the book Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka WHICH IM CURRENTLY READIN! n they love cookin me food when i come over, theyre so sweet
)! i have to overcome my fucking insecurities tho to be able to fully love somebody, theyre seriously a big issue...anyways, as some of u know, on 18th august, my neighbour jumped/fell (nobody knows exactly what happened, other neighbours r saying he was drunk n accidentally fell but ive never seen him drunk in my life...) off his kitchen window, he died on impact and i want to spare the details because the image of the pool of blood i saw still lingers in my mind every now and then, he fell right next to the entrance stairs towards our block, theyve washed the blood off but theres still a heavy stain in the cement, now everytime i leave or enter the building, there will always be the constant reminder that someone died right there. i was in a state of shock for almost a week or so, my knees still get weak at the thought of it but may he rest in peace, i used to see him often walk his dog and helping his ill mother, now his mother is all alone....we lit up a few candles for him at the stairs
ALSO alan460 THANKU SM FOR THE SWEET LIL EMAIL U SENT ME IT TOOK ME BY SURPRISE, UR VERY KIND! if anyone wanna send lil kind messages plz mail me here!
COVID is slowly going away n bcuz im SO BORED i started playing this brand new mmorpg game called tower of fantasy n its basically just a mix between honkai and genshin, nothing suprising or interesting and the story is pretty bland...but the characters r cute and u can customize! look at my chara! LMAO IGNORE THE NAME
bruh shits crazy, us romanians, are curently forced/ reccomended to get potassium iodide from our family doctor in case the russians bomb the nuclear central from Ukraine called Zaporoje or something...and in case the radioactive clouds pull up in our zone...it all feels unreal and its beyond fucked up, i wish war was never a thing, just let the leaders fight in a boxing match, leave the people out of this...
mom felt really sick 2 days ago and still forced herself to go to work altough we, the family, told her not to and to stay tf home and relax...i later went to visit her at her job to check on her cuz ffs i was worried and guess what, she felt sick as hell, she was hot as a chimney, puked 3 times, passed out and couldnt sit up. me and her coworkers called an ambulance and took care of her til they came and once they pulled up they diagnosed her with the new covid variant. luckily, nothing worse than that. its all good now, were staying in quarantine for only 5 days. made a spacehey durin these days and finally managed to make an online art portfolio!......other than that, i went on a date n made out w a they/them person last week, it was quite epic.
also these tasted like pure shit im sorry towards the sour patch kids fans but UGH
lmao ok so i djd again at ARTHUB for the Intersectional Feminist Weekend w my friend august n pretty much everyone (me frendz) missed my set except for some guy who danced FOR 5 HOURS STRAIGHT W NO BREAKS IN BETWEEN N I FELT FLATHERED LMAO BUT WHAT DRUGS WAS HE ON LMAO... COKE??? anyways it was a whole ass uncomfy experience ion like seeing ppl on heavy drugs or doing drugs in front of me, i got offered some mdma from a certain SOMEONE LMAO i obv refused tf? also i had another self reflecting moment, this time about my non existent love life, everytime i look at myself in the mirror i see different ppl, idk how i look like and i dont think ill ever know, i could get all the compliments in the world but my brain simply refuses to acknowledge any of it. i can luckily distract myself easily from some weird toughts, i always find different things to do or watch or read or etc. i think my end will come when i wont be able to distract myself anymore, when nothing will distract me.
also my monster can collection is SLOWLY growin!
AND IM BACK ON IMVU AFTER LOSING MY ACCOUNT AGES AGO!
I BEEN ACTIVE FOR YEARS on my social media (instagram) and ive SEEN w my own LIL TWO EYES getting copied a BUNCH of times. i dj, they start djing, i code, they start coding, i like a certain band/ genre, they start liking that band/ genre, i buy something, they buy it as well, i do something ORIGINAL, they start doing that as well. it used to bother me in the past but not anymore, its just that i wish they told me something like, hey u inspired me to do this n that thank u, but naaaaah, i get nothing. romanian people be like
REAL QUICK UPDATE AS IM TYPING THIS IN UTTER DISTRESS ON MY KITCHEN FLOOR so this is it, i can and WILL no longer share a room with my sister, for my own good, she is insane, we had a huge altercation yesterday because she cannot control herself which is NOT normal. the convo started w me asking her why she keeps leaving the family whatsapp group chat, if shes mad or something so we can solve things, n then she says shes mad at our mom? n then i asked her bro why wtf u mad about??? shes helping u move, she found u an appartemnt, shes buying it W HER AND DADS OWN MONEY, SHE HELPED U MAKE A FUKIN CV AT UR BIBLICAL AGE ( sis is 23 yo...), HELPED U FIND A DECENT FUKIN JOB (she keeps applying for the shitiest jobs in the world??? like a cleaning lady??? dude u finished uni wtf u doin??? SHE COULD BE A SECRETARY LIKE USE UR DEGREE??? but she keeps refusing to do that) LIKE TF U SO MAD ABOUT TOWARDS OUR MOTHER??? SHES DOING MORE THAN SHES SUPPOSED TO DO AND UR UNGRATEFUL ASS STILL DOESNT APPRECIATE IT??? n then she says: im mad because she raises her voice at me....................ummm.......then i was like..... ok r u 12? u a grown ass woman and u cant handle when ur mom raises her voice at u? AND PLUS SHES RAISING IT FOR GOOD REASONS! then she ignored me explaining to her that her reasoning is dumb af n makes no sense AND then she gets angry at me for sitting next to her desk which i DIDNT REALIZE THAT COULD GET HER SO ANGRY???? i was facing her, not my fault her desk was there??? n dude, she gets up RAGED, IVE STRAIGHT UP NEVER SEEN HER SO ANGRY, she gets up from her bed and PUSHES me away from her desk?? and i dont mean a light push i mean a P.U.S.H. and she kept doing that whenever i got back up?? cuz i was half way on the ground (i hit my bed n on my bed there was a opened vitamin B water bottle and it spilled all over) bruh i was stunned??? we never use violence in this house and nor do we get physical, so it was definetly a surprise hence to why i didnt react i was just shocked at her behaviour, all of that only for sitting next to her desk. insane. after she was done screaming at me about THIS IS MY DESK, DONT GET CLOSE TO IT, ITS MYYY ZOOONNEEE, YOU GO SIT IN YOOOUUR PLACE (we share a room......weve been sharing a room since we were born....we get it that she wants to move out n wants her space hence to why were helping her but she still acts weird??) then i asked her wtf was that reaction? to which she says WHO TF U THINK U ARE??? U THINK UR MY SISTER??? and im like.....uuhhh.....yeah tf? lemme cut it short, she proceeds to scream threats at me,that shell call the police on me??? (girl for what, pretty sure im the victim here? pretty sure ur the one that could get a restraining order filed against here??) she said im not her sister, that she doesnt want me to be her sister (i did none of the things THAT SHE HAS DONE TO ME AND OUR FAMILY for her to say that, gaslighting master 101), that she cant wait to move out and that she will never contact us ever again. i started crying. oh AND WHEN I STARTED CRYING SHE LAUGHED. SHE WAS LAUGHING. and she said: awww ur such a liar, ur so fake and toxic, such a poser, ur doing this cuz mom aint here, right? (weve had convos like this even when mom was home, there wouldnt be a difference, at this point sis was just saying random shit that didnt make sense but damn it did hurt!).....so uh yeah i broke down, had a panic attack, left the house and went to my other sister and then both of us went to our moms job (she was at work at that moment) n told her everything, showed them the recording ( glad i recorded most of the convo we had as proof, i have a feeling we will need it for later), i have more proof of her being verbally abusive and violent, the whole family knows about her strange behaviour, we have screenshots, recordings of her being sick in the head, weve been trying to get her to talk to psychiatrists, she keeps refusing.
i once went to a psychologist for HER to talk to them about HER but sadly the psych couldnt help much, they needed her to be there so they could fully analyze her. same w other doctors, u can tell them everything but they would still need the person in question to BE THERE. my sister been hating my guts for years, shes been throwing away my stuff behind my back, she insults me for the smallest things i do, doesnt talk to me, doesnt hang out with me,hates whatever i like, hates my art (she never visited ONE gallery ive taken part of),hates my autistic brother because of minor things he cant control, hates my other sister as well, sometimes she likes her, sometimes she wants her dead, swears a lot (we dont swear in our house, thats not how we were tought things), hates when we tell her shes in the wrong, fully antisocial, has no friends, cant get along with her co-workers, has gotten into fights with them or the customers, she stole expensive makeup n she was laughing when she got to the police station while mom pulled up crying???, sleeps all day and doesnt talk to anybody in the house and then proceeds to say we dont give her enough attention or that we dont love her, and just overall a psycho. caught her stalking my socials as well last year...she blocked me everywhere idk what her @ is.... im tired. very. she will move out on the 15th of september. it feels like an eternity, really. sorry for any typos im stressed and i havent slept at all, also im now sleeping in my moms room, aka the sufragerie.
on a little bright note, ive started collecting monster energy cans! lmao ik its kinda stupid, i dont even drink them i only taste them, my kidneys would die (ive had REALLY bad kidney stones before, never again), but ive been wanting to do this since i was a child so yeah i just love the colors and the packaging! plus monster is such a statement piece for us in the emo and scene subcultures
also! i went back to babysitting today and i gained sum cash n now ive become a neocities supporter! only for a month tho, but it doesnt matter! money spent well imo since i whole heartedly support the cause neocities is about.
ALSO SOME DUDE USED MY EMAIL TO MAKE HIMSELF A NETFLIX ACCOUNT??? LMAO I GOT FREE NETFLIX NOW (the movies r so trash there anyways, i already watched the good ones)
ive had an awful week! not even god couldve prepared me for this! ALSO THIS MORNING AFTER I TOOK MY DAILY SHIT N AFTER I WIPED THERE WAS BLOOD ON THE WIPE??? BRUH IM SHITTIN BLOOD??? aight anywayz, my parents r boutta DIVORCE! they should've done it SOONER cuz they never got along from the start, their marriage was high key forced by their parents, dad was a cunt since he was born, the man straight up never changed for the good and my mom sadly always had this huge savior complex but she's a bad bitch either ways cuz she always AND ALWAYS accomplished whatever she put her mind to and she's a fighter and a winner. dad on the other side was and is a complete loser, treated his siblings and parents like shit, never tried to create a bond with his kids, he was pretty much absent from our lives, he's just a ghost that lives in this house tbh, he doesn't give a shit about anything BUT HIMSELF, never appreciated the work my mother did for him, stole her money for his cigarette addiction, HAS NO SHAME, drank coke 24/7 (still to this day he refuses to drink water or eat soup, yes, he doesn't shit for months lmao karma), ate sweets (still fukin does, constipation is his middle name), fucking cheated on my mother with some escorts, he had pornography games on his computer when we were kids??? and he let us play around on his pc while he KNEW he had those games on there????, refused and refuses to help mom OR US with money, didn't want kids to begin with he just wanted to fuck so therefor my mom had to undergo 7+ abortions cuz back in the days, during communism, condoms or birth control were like banned or some shit, when mom had her second child, my autistic older brother, dad was outraged and disgusted by the fact that he had autism, acts like a child, gaslights, exploits, manipulates and pretty much caused my mom to have plenty of mental breakdowns and paranoia. she told me she would've gone completely NUTS if we weren't there for her to motivate her to continue living. he done nothing to be proud of so therefor im disgusted and APPALLED that i have a FATHER like this. aint nobody finna bring flowers to his grave, im telling u that.
lately we been looking for a apartment for my sis to live in cuz she dont wanna live w us anymore (she straight up said that lmao she also hates my guts for whatever reason) and we found one n everything went well til mom had to talk w dad about his part of the money cuz they were gonna sign under their names, as they fuking planned, but he then says "do i have to pay? am i obliged?" LIKE BRUHHH??? UHHH YEAH U ARE??? U SAID U WILL PAY N HELP SIS MOVE OUT N NOW U SWITCHING UP ALL OF A SUDDEN??? n mom got so angry she came up in my room n started crying. i then comforted her but i got so fucking mad i wanted to break my dad's door lmao, either ways she later left to buy some things and when dad went to the bathroom, i proceeded to steal some of his money BAHAHAHAH IT FELT SOOOOO GOOD FUCK THE GUY HE NEVER FUCKING HELPED US WITH MONEY EXCEPT FOR COLLEGE AND SHIT, FOR EXAMPLE THE CAR THAT MY MOM HAS SHE BOUGHT IT WITH HER OWN FUKIN MONEY AND NOW HE WANTS HER TO DRIVE HIM EVERYWHERE AFTER HE REFUSED TO GET A DRIVING LICENSE HIMSELF WHEN HE WAS YOUNGER CUZ HE SAID ITS POINTLESS AND THAT HE DOESN'T NEED ONE??? jealousy man. jealousy. after he refused to help with money, he found out she told us, the kids, aswell and he got a lil mad n then he SWITCHED UP AGAIN and said aight imma send the money only to find out later on that he lied and didnt send shit… THEN he pampered my mom w love messages??? aight manipulating king i see u. idk how tf they lasted 30+ years together but it sure was rough for mom and hope it will end soon and she fukin goes thru w the divorce.
IT WAS LIT! PRIDE PARK WAS MAD LIT AND MY DJ FRIENDS SLAYED THAT STAGE, STILL A LIL SALTY THEY DIDNT ACCEPT ME IN THE HEADLINE BUT AYE IM HOPING NEXT YEAR THEY WILL
yesterday was the pride march and there were over 15k people it was awesome, sadly i didnt stay much cuz i didnt want to be caught by the television cameras cuz my mom is very anti lgbtq and she watches the news VIGOROUSLY so yeah, i didnt want her to see me there
after chilling on the side, observing the parade, me n my bff got hungry n went and ate waffle dicks! XP
ALSO LOOK AT MY PINK CROCS (n my friendz leg)
MY WEBSITE IS THE 3RD IN THE SCENE TAG YUH YUH
SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING MORE OFTEN BUT HOLY FUK I HATE MENTAL HEALTH LMAO anyways i started learning spanish on duolingo QUE CABRON YO SOY UNA ESTUPIDA MUJER and im also lookin for jobs, makin CVs is so ewww ive also been playing genshin impact again after my break, the game is getting so boring but aye SUMERU IS COMING BUT THE CHARACTERS R SO..... THE MELANIIIINNNN UGGGHHH WHERE IS IIITTT also why tf do men manage to grow hair ANYWHERE EXCEPT FOR THEIR FUKIN HEADS BRO so weird anyways im planning big things this year n for the next year i gotta make my bag n get money n get going on my PLANZ!
i graduated art uni here in Bucharest, got my bachelors degree in graphic arts, but now listen. the examination process and the grades received by everyone for our degree at UNARTE proved to be the most disgusting and the most unfair thing, the examination was a 5 minute talk with 4 teachers that were either lookin at their phones or out the window and making dumb jokes, 3 years of studying and paying SO MUCH FUCKING MONEY FOR A SLAP OVER THE FACE. 3 years for a 5 minute exam THAT PROVED NOTHING, YOU CANT DECIDE ON THE LEVEL OF SKILL AND KNOWLEDGE A STUDENT HAS IN A 5 MINUTE COFFEE TALK FFS ARE U KIDDING ME??? THOSE GRADES WERE GIVEN SO RANDOMLY TOO AND FOR SOME REASON LITERALLY EVERYONE PASSED? EVEN THE ONES WHO CAN BARELY DRAW???? sick. sickening. all highschool i was so scared of art uni cuz i was expecting the BA exam to be so hard but nah. kindergarden shit. i regret putting so much effort into this shitty place. cant wait to study abroad, this country sucks for real. this shit kills the spirit, unarte did nothing but rob me off my money.
OK SO HEALTH IS ON A EUROPEAN TOUR N YESTERDAY THEY PLAYED A GIG IN A CLUB IN MY TOWN N I HAD TO GO W MY FRIENDZ! when we arrived shit was crazy lmao, somebody dropped their antidepressants on the floor (i took em bahahah, but only after asking people around if its theirs), got free HEALTH condoms, and at the merch table, i didnt realize at first, but at the merch table was the fukin vocalist of YOUTH CODE aka SARA TAYLOR bein busy w selling the merch(they were the opening act that night) and me n my friend were like hol on why does she look kinda familiaaarrr hol up lets google and then BOOM WE REALIZED WHO SHE WAS N WE WENT UP TO HER TO TELL HER HOW COOL SHE IS N THAT WE CANT WAIT TO SEE HER AND HER MATE ON STAGE, AND SHE SIGNED MY HAND LMAO, thats only after me and some guy went to ask people for a marker to get our shit signed, luckily someone had one! and then fukin john famiglietti pulled up at the merch table and omfg i JUST HAD to geta fukin signature and since i had my condom on me, i handed it over to him w the marker n said ,, aye plz sign my condom,, and he went haha sure. after the AMAZING show we took pics together! sadly the other members of the band didnt show up! :( but here r the pics of that night!
there was this instagram dj contest going on in my city called PUNISH HOUSE and i decided to apply for it and they accepted me but bruh, when they started to post the participants (its the type of shitty contest where the first 3 contestans that get the most likes, they will participate in the final round, the final round being the live djing at some club) THEY WERE ALL WHITE MEN AND WHITE TEEN LIL BOYS THAT LOVED SKRILLEX AND THAT ONLY PLAYED DNB THEY ALL LOOKED LIKE THEY STANK LIKE SHIT AND HAD SKIDMARKS STUCK BETWEEN THEIR ASS CHEEKS N CHEESE IN THEIR FORESKIN GLAD I EMAILED THE CONTEST BACK AND TOLD THEM I DONT WANT TO PARTICIPATE ANYMORE TF WAS THAT. and they were so salty bout it too, like, when i said "sorry im not a dnb redneck, i dont play that genre" they replied with sumn like "we cover any bass genre (THEY DID NOT MENTION THAT WHEN THE CONTEST STARTED, THEY DIDNT MENTION ANY GENRE AT ALL LMAO) and by the way you were eliminated anyways" like cunt what? bass genre my ass, wouldve been fun cuz i was the only WOMAN dj but too bad im not a boring ugly cunt.
me n this rlly cool guy chatted a BUNCH bout various topics and my god HES SO SMART??? HE KNOWS SO MUCH SHIT?? and hes also so frikin nice n cute?? AND I RLLY ENJOY DEBATES AND HEARIN SMART PPL TALK THEIR MINDS N IDEAS. his gf is one lucky mdfk. we talked bout philosophy, the crusades, sci fi books, anime, movies, family problemz, brands n luxury, racism, gun control in america and etc. discussions with this guy can NEVER get boring HE can talk about ANYTHING but im afraid IM THE BORING ONE LMAO.
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SUSbought a paper from the art shop, turned out to cost A LOT MORE THAN I READ ON THE TAG n i sobbed a lil when i got back to the A T E L I E R luckily nobody noticed! i fukin love smokin! makes me look less akward n i actually get to do sumn w my hands n i can breathe in n out without makin ppl uncomfy!
fell in luv w robert's character n personality lmao after like binge watching a few vids n interviews of him, he a great actor as well, istg they dont make men like him anymore. also watched the good the bad and the ugly movie, a GEM of a movie, a classic.
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tireeedddbeen doing nothing but sleep all day, i keep fallin asleep n i hate it cuz then i wake up w sore bones cuz i fall asleep in the weirdest positions. also dreamed about my mom makin me go to some weird religious cult. also fell asleep while listening to the kanye west and joe rogan podcast :(
NOT DOING WELL :(im no longer comfortable with sharing my room with my....strange sister...her behaviour is just extreme at times and my whole family is concerned and terrified for and of her. the saddest part is that she refuses to receive any sort of help for her mental health so we will have to deal with her behaviour til she actually moves out of our home, she keeps saying she wants to do that anyways and we are not against it at all. she hates everything i do or create therefor she hates the way i place MY stuff around the room, my creations, my posters, my decorations, everything. she has thrown away MY own personal belongings at times, her motive being "i just didnt like them"...she sent me into panic attacks multiple times, made me cry a bunch, but she seems to lack the empathy to realise what shes doing...shes not only rude to me but to the WHOLE family and towards other people as well, ESPECIALLY toher co-workers, hence to why she got kicked out of TONS of jobs...she also doesnt like our neighbors, she doesnt salute or say hi to any of them...she doesnt get along with anyone quite literally and thats NOT ok. i might be paranoic here but my mom has a weak heart so i am genuinely afraid that one day she might pass away out of distress and sadness caused by my sister. ALSO I FINISHED MY LAST YEAR OF ART UNI....ill miss it...man im not ready for this new stage in my life...all i gotta do now is finish my bachelors degree...man im tired
still busy bcuz im preparing for my bachelors degree and istg i think i may be the first artist that has ever used clay in graphic arts? not polymeric clay or anything just straight up kids clay that you find anywhere at supermarkets. still not sure tho but that would be hella cool! the teachers love the idea n my stuff n im happy! ALSO im STILL listening to the amber and johnny trial like its some podcast plz...ALSO YESTERDAY I WATCHED THE "12 ANGRY MEN" MOVIE W MY BFF AND IT WAS SO GOOD I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IF U INTO CRIME AND DEBATES!
the hotline webring emailed me n said they wont accept my site in their ring cuz of the pic i have on my homepage with the lil peep bunny plushie with a purple strap-on attached to it LIKE CMON HOW IS THAT SENSITIVE CONTENT LIKE??? IDK IT CRACKED ME UP REAL HARD LMAO. "We don't want people traversing through the 'ring to be exposed to that kind of content without warning." ???? like bruuuuuh okaaaayyy.....anyways i did nothing today but surf the web and go outside to take vids n pics of cats!
i hate them obviously i mean who tf loves em tf? ive never bled as much as ive bled today, i couldve filled like two buckets of blood n gave it away to some vampire freak lmaooo. also i might dj in june at a afterparty for pride month but its not for sure now and it will be most probably held at fukin kranut...KRANUT deadass and flat out rejected me when i asked a few months ago if i could dj at their club so....my friends i wanted to dj with got nominated for the day-time pride party, good for them but i wish i couldve also been on the headline w them....
BABYSITTING ADVENTURES???bruh the family im being a babysitter for called me n told me they will need me for monday, tuesday and wednesday n i pulled up and im so proud of myself for MANAGING TO ACTUALLY MAKE THEM GO TO SLEEP ITS SO HARD TO MAKE A LIL KID SLEEP CUZ THEYRE SO FULL OF ENERGY ALL THE GOD DAMN TIME BUT THEY LOVE BASME ROMANESTI N FALL ASLEEP TO THEM hehe! and yesterday while they were sleeping, i was cleaning around the living room and picking up the toys scattered on the floor, n then i NOTICED a lil plastic baggie hanging out from a half open drawer AND I GOT CURIOUS BCUZ PLASTIC BAGGIEZ WILL ALWAYS AND ALLLWAAYYS remind me of drugs. AND GUESS WHAT. I WAS RIGHT. there was weed in that baggie when i reached out to check it LMAO?? the situation was rlly funny ngl, i was thinking, aight if ur kidz r gonna piss me off, i might as well steal yallz weed out of spite! jk i didnt. (i did) BUT! there was a PURE CBD CANNABIS lollipop on their desk n i decided to TAKE IT BAHAHHAHAHA i sucked it too n i felt....NOTHING! im not usually this nosey but i would lie if i say i wasnt! n then shit got weirder lmao. i went back to putting some toys in their specific boxes n i noticed on top of a wardrobe some condoms, lube AND SOME HANDCUFFS??? THEY WERENT EVEN SOME FUZZY HANDCUFFS THEY WERE LIKE STRAIGHT UP LEGIT SILVERISH HANDCUFFS. these parents rlly be fukin around, n they chatolic too n they go to church weekly lmaaaooo istg it always be the RELIGIOUS ones.
always been wondering why im most sad and down during summer, things didnt use to be like this when i was younger istg i was always excited for summer bcuz summer meant SUMMER VACATION and free time and no stress and beach or mountain time or visiting grannies time or bla bla bla. but now that im hella AWARE of the time passing by and that things are getting WORSE and more DIFFICULT by year, ive started to detest it. summer is for extroverted ppl, not for me. everyone hangs out DAILY during summer and i HATE going outside. summer means lookin for shit to do because the day IS SO LONG and i OFTEN get bored and then get stuck in my head, its like inevitable. i no longer have the attention span to watch tv series or stuff like that. summer means getting NAKEYYYY!!! I HATE BEING NAKEYYY!!! MY LEGS AND MEN DESTROY EVERYTHING!!! MY LEGS LOOK LIKE TWO HANGING SPAGHETTIS W LIL CUTS ON THEM, THEYRE MORE THAN PALE, U CAN SEE EVERY AND EACH VEIN IN THEM AND FOR SOME REASON I CANT TAN???? my body just simply rejects the sun. its like i was literally never meant for this time of the year. i hate revealing clothing, it was never meant for me istg. i also hate when things come to an end like highschool and now, university. im gonna miss em sm, i already miss highschool even tho i was bullied and hated in there and it all just sucked, i just miss the simpler times!!! im gonna miss univerity........really badly.....doing shit to show teachers, feeling like u have some type of purpose, seeing ur colleagues EVEN IF I DONT RLLY TALK TO THEM! endings always happen during summer. yall get fooled bcuz of the sun but im telling you summer is nothing but hell n im typing this w tears in my eyes. what a depressing season. im getting older and i cant stand it and im scared and afraid
ADDED NEW STUFFthe gallery section of the site is finally done! added my modified dolls too im so proud of my workz lmao. killed another 2 roaches idk why theyre not gone YET! my dermatitis is still not fukin gone, i got some fungus on my left ear, I SRSLY need more vitamin D and sun BUT AYE I DYED MY HAIR BACK TO HOW IT USED TO BE!
THE WARM WATER IS BACK N I FINALLY TOOK A PROPER SHOWER N SHAVED MY BUSH! also FUN FACT, i love givin money to street buskers or donate it to different charities like, for example, donating whatever i can for abortion clinics n for abortion rights. makes me feel like im actually useful n like i actually have a purpose in this world! lmao just makes me feel like less of a waste of a human being just sayin.
im a nightmarei keep getting triggered by the smallest things people do and then i split bcuz of my bpd i fucking hate this shit dude, ive ruined so many friendships or potential friendships bcuz of this. the main thing that has been triggering me for a WHILE are people that unfollow my socials. i had this app that tracks down each unfollow i get on instagram and i used it for years n I FINALLY UNINSTALLED IT TODAY YAY! thats, only after a small altercation with a fellow dj friend that i met irl n talked to a couple of times so therefor i took their UNFOLLOW quite personally n started rambling my mouth on my insta stories bout em being rich n spoiled n privileged TBH I DID NOT LIE LMAO but it was not necesarry to make our business public. im all about the people that come out of dirt not people that ALREADY HAVE IT ALL BEFORE THEM! they came forward to me after asking them why they unfollowed n told me they just didnt like the way i speak about people which i found kinda odd bcuz I SAY THINGS THE WAY THEY FUCKING ARE! but indeed i should stop talkin bout ppl behind their backs on my stories lmaaoooooo although it is quite fun sometimes but nah im done w that shit. i would LOVE some therapy but that shit is so expensive it will only make me feel like a failure of a child towards my parents that will have to spend their money on me n i dont want that, i hate that in fact, ive always been hustling for pocket money n other shit or even shoplifted for years, i hate having my parents pay for my stuff.
im rlly happy n content with how everything is coming together regarding my art degree also johnny depp is just as trash as amber ngl hes such a loser, maybe amber is shittier but hearing how big of a drug addict he was.....nothing finna surprise me anymore. AND WHEN AMBER SAID JOHNNY WAS PROVIDING HER DAD WITH DRUGS???? what a fucking loser. hollywood is HELL its FULL of drugs aint nobody clean there and everyone sellin their soul, havin 18 yo jaden smith smoke weed with an underage lily rose bruh....just play league of legends smh fukin kids istg. kids these days dont even look like kids anymore, they all wanna be grown so bad its horrifying.
god hates me, after i was finally done comin out of the cockroach den, now the warm water is cut off in the majority of Bucharest...im quite happy with how the website is comin along i still have much to learn and mistakes to fix but this is definetly a fun new hobby, i just hope i dont lose interest fast as i usually do with any new thing i start.......currently struggling with changing the webamp's skin. also today im pissed at lgbtq+ individuals that use their sexuality as their only personality trait and for internet attention or that try to manipulate weak or insecure or mentally disturbed people into labeling themselves with different terms. i hate to say it but being part of the lgbtqa+ community is starting to become a trend now especially on the internet but irl too cuz of teenagers who think things TOO much and RUSH.
total cockroach count: 10, found one alive this mornin and 2 dead under my bed while having an intensive cleaning session in my room. also found a larvae w bebez mdfkrs were fukin under my bed bruh......ANYWAYZ warm water got cut off til 7th may! its a great life being a balkan individual! went over to visit bff n watch a movie n make sure she all good WHICH SHE IS she was hella down these past few weeks cuz her uni been fukin her up til she finally gave up... she a college drop out now thats so CAMP lmao.....dont u EVER decide to study korean language EVER!
didnt sleep, stayed up all night to hunt down all those lil annoying fuckers, luckily our administrator called sum pest control people to take care of the infestation around our entire block cuz the whole place was FILLED. also, teacher loved the clay art i did god bless! my throath got iritated n dry af from inhaling all that RAID ugh.
cucaracha invasionwoke up in the middle of the night to some sounds like something was fukin w my bag of chips i left on the floor before falling asleep n i swear i thought it was the ghost that sometimes roams around my room BUT NAH IT WAS A FUCKING HUGE BLACK ADULT COCKROACH MAN! A GHOST WOULDVE BEEN MUCH BETTER ISTG! i flashed my phone towards the floor to see wth was making that noise n it was that lil shit roamin rent free in my bag of chips n it walked away hella fast when it noticed the light from my phone n hid under my desk. safe to say i did not sleep in my room that night, i went to my mom n in the morning i sprayed raid on every corner n every crevice n bruh 2 huge black cucarachas came out dying n one of them HAD EGGS ON ITS BACK??? GROSS! never leaving my food on the floor EVER AGAIN! LESSON LEARNED!
shout out to my autistic brother for inspiring me to play w clay n do clay art ON PAPER shit was so fun n my teacher said its an interesting idea indeed!
DONT DRINK COLD BEVERAGES FRESH OUT THE FRIDGE ON A COLD MORNING! MY NECK N NOSE R SUFFERING BCUZ OF MY FOOLISH DECISIONS
shout out to the pink pall-mall s-lines n to my sis for smoking them n inspiring me to stop smokin marlboro, what a legend. AND ALSO WE CANT FORGET BOUT THE VITAMIN B WATER!!! vitamin B is givin me the bombest dreams n i cannot go without drinkin that shit at least once 2 days, i highly recommend if u want crazy ass dreams!
ive been listening to the johnny depp n amber heard court case like its some podcast lmaaoooo but holy fuck when that pych doctor started talking about bpd, bruh she was describing me shit was weird BUT at least now i know how to express myself to my psychiatrist! also cant wait to go out tomorrow to go buy myself shit, ill have to visit my uni too but we wont talk bout that cuz we hate art universities in this house!
FINALLY GOT MY MONEY FOR MY FIRST GIG I PLAYED MUSIC AT WOOHOO, took long enough but now i can finally fix my trashy dyed hair n treat myself to more cancer aka cigz cuz its been a very VERY stressful week!!!! its a pisces retrograde so it explains a lot but my bpd does just as well. i been acting so off and weird lately n i am personally scared, ill have to talk n open up more towards my psychiatrist, i been visiting her since october but yet i still cant find the strenght n courage in me to talk about certain things SHITS HARD MAAANNN its so much easier to talk mental stuff thru texts cuz ur talking to a little icon/pfp rather than an actual human being thats staring at u n judging u n makes faces that u cant decode n bla bla bla. also, snorting prozac is fucking hell istg my nose fukin STINGED SOOOO BAAAD but kept doin it, better than c*ttin myself.
lmao i got in a lil open call for REVISTA SUBTEXT n they loved my artworks n decide to publish it in their new number! have a LOOK!(my stuff starts at page 24 n ends at page 27)
