Welcome to the diary section where ull witness me spilling my brains out on the web bcuz i, in fact, am quite annoying and i dont want to bother anyone w my thoughts so im TECHNICALLY gonna talk by myself, i mean, isnt that what diaries r for?
23 April 2022
JOHN FROM HEALTH SIGNED MY CONDOM
OK SO HEALTH IS ON A EUROPEAN TOUR N YESTERDAY THEY PLAYED A GIG IN A CLUB IN MY TOWN N I HAD TO GO W MY FRIENDZ! when we arrived shit was crazy lmao, somebody dropped their antidepressants on the floor (i took em bahahah, but only after asking people around if its theirs), got free HEALTH condoms, and at the merch table, i didnt realize at first, but at the merch table was the fukin vocalist of YOUTH CODE aka SARA TAYLOR bein busy w selling the merch(they were the opening act that night) and me n my friend were like hol on why does she look kinda familiaaarrr hol up lets google and then BOOM WE REALIZED WHO SHE WAS N WE WENT UP TO HER TO TELL HER HOW COOL SHE IS N THAT WE CANT WAIT TO SEE HER AND HER MATE ON STAGE, AND SHE SIGNED MY HAND LMAO, thats only after me and some guy went to ask people for a marker to get our shit signed, luckily someone had one! and then fukin john famiglietti pulled up at the merch table and omfg i JUST HAD to geta fukin signature and since i had my condom on me, i handed it over to him w the marker n said ,, aye plz sign my condom,, and he went haha sure. after the AMAZING show we took pics together! sadly the other members of the band didnt show up! :( but here r the pics of that night!
10 June 2022
got invited to a fukin dnb rednecks gathering ew
there was this instagram dj contest going on in my city called PUNISH HOUSE and i decided to apply for it and they accepted me but bruh, when they started to post the participants (its the type of shitty contest where the first 3 contestans that get the most likes, they will participate in the final round, the final round being the live djing at some club) THEY WERE ALL WHITE MEN AND WHITE TEEN LIL BOYS THAT LOVED SKRILLEX AND THAT ONLY PLAYED DNB THEY ALL LOOKED LIKE THEY STANK LIKE SHIT AND HAD SKIDMARKS STUCK BETWEEN THEIR ASS CHEEKS N CHEESE IN THEIR FORESKIN GLAD I EMAILED THE CONTEST BACK AND TOLD THEM I DONT WANT TO PARTICIPATE ANYMORE TF WAS THAT. and they were so salty bout it too, like, when i said "sorry im not a dnb redneck, i dont play that genre" they replied with sumn like "we cover any bass genre (THEY DID NOT MENTION THAT WHEN THE CONTEST STARTED, THEY DIDNT MENTION ANY GENRE AT ALL LMAO) and by the way you were eliminated anyways" like cunt what? bass genre my ass, wouldve been fun cuz i was the only WOMAN dj but too bad im not a boring ugly cunt.
6 june 2022
blessed to have a great classmate
me n this rlly cool guy chatted a BUNCH bout various topics and my god HES SO SMART??? HE KNOWS SO MUCH SHIT?? and hes also so frikin nice n cute?? AND I RLLY ENJOY DEBATES AND HEARIN SMART PPL TALK THEIR MINDS N IDEAS. his gf is one lucky mdfk. we talked bout philosophy, the crusades, sci fi books, anime, movies, family problemz, brands n luxury, racism, gun control in america and etc. discussions with this guy can NEVER get boring HE can talk about ANYTHING but im afraid IM THE BORING ONE LMAO.
2-3 june 2022
bought a paper from the art shop, turned out to cost A LOT MORE THAN I READ ON THE TAG n i sobbed a lil when i got back to the A T E L I E R luckily nobody noticed! i fukin love smokin! makes me look less akward n i actually get to do sumn w my hands n i can breathe in n out without makin ppl uncomfy!
1 june 2022
robert pattinson <3
fell in luv w robert's character n personality lmao after like binge watching a few vids n interviews of him, he a great actor as well, istg they dont make men like him anymore. also watched the good the bad and the ugly movie, a GEM of a movie, a classic.
31 may 2022
been doing nothing but sleep all day, i keep fallin asleep n i hate it cuz then i wake up w sore bones cuz i fall asleep in the weirdest positions. also dreamed about my mom makin me go to some weird religious cult. also fell asleep while listening to the kanye west and joe rogan podcast :(
29 may 2022
NOT DOING WELL :(
im no longer comfortable with sharing my room with my....strange sister...her behaviour is just extreme at times and my whole family is concerned and terrified for and of her. the saddest part is that she refuses to receive any sort of help for her mental health so we will have to deal with her behaviour til she actually moves out of our home, she keeps saying she wants to do that anyways and we are not against it at all. she hates everything i do or create therefor she hates the way i place MY stuff around the room, my creations, my posters, my decorations, everything. she has thrown away MY own personal belongings at times, her motive being "i just didnt like them"...she sent me into panic attacks multiple times, made me cry a bunch, but she seems to lack the empathy to realise what shes doing...shes not only rude to me but to the WHOLE family and towards other people as well, ESPECIALLY toher co-workers, hence to why she got kicked out of TONS of jobs...she also doesnt like our neighbors, she doesnt salute or say hi to any of them...she doesnt get along with anyone quite literally and thats NOT ok. i might be paranoic here but my mom has a weak heart so i am genuinely afraid that one day she might pass away out of distress and sadness caused by my sister. ALSO I FINISHED MY LAST YEAR OF ART UNI....ill miss it...man im not ready for this new stage in my life...all i gotta do now is finish my bachelors degree...man im tired
26 may 2022
still busy bcuz im preparing for my bachelors degree and istg i think i may be the first artist that has ever used clay in graphic arts? not polymeric clay or anything just straight up kids clay that you find anywhere at supermarkets. still not sure tho but that would be hella cool! the teachers love the idea n my stuff n im happy! ALSO im STILL listening to the amber and johnny trial like its some podcast plz...ALSO YESTERDAY I WATCHED THE "12 ANGRY MEN" MOVIE W MY BFF AND IT WAS SO GOOD I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IF U INTO CRIME AND DEBATES!
23 may 2022
the hotline webring emailed me n said they wont accept my site in their ring cuz of the pic i have on my homepage with the lil peep bunny plushie with a purple strap-on attached to it LIKE CMON HOW IS THAT SENSITIVE CONTENT LIKE??? IDK IT CRACKED ME UP REAL HARD LMAO. "We don't want people traversing through the 'ring to be exposed to that kind of content without warning." ???? like bruuuuuh okaaaayyy.....anyways i did nothing today but surf the web and go outside to take vids n pics of cats!
21 may 2022
i hate them obviously i mean who tf loves em tf? ive never bled as much as ive bled today, i couldve filled like two buckets of blood n gave it away to some vampire freak lmaooo. also i might dj in june at a afterparty for pride month but its not for sure now and it will be most probably held at fukin kranut...KRANUT deadass and flat out rejected me when i asked a few months ago if i could dj at their club so....my friends i wanted to dj with got nominated for the day-time pride party, good for them but i wish i couldve also been on the headline w them....
20 may 2022
bruh the family im being a babysitter for called me n told me they will need me for monday, tuesday and wednesday n i pulled up and im so proud of myself for MANAGING TO ACTUALLY MAKE THEM GO TO SLEEP ITS SO HARD TO MAKE A LIL KID SLEEP CUZ THEYRE SO FULL OF ENERGY ALL THE GOD DAMN TIME BUT THEY LOVE BASME ROMANESTI N FALL ASLEEP TO THEM hehe! and yesterday while they were sleeping, i was cleaning around the living room and picking up the toys scattered on the floor, n then i NOTICED a lil plastic baggie hanging out from a half open drawer AND I GOT CURIOUS BCUZ PLASTIC BAGGIEZ WILL ALWAYS AND ALLLWAAYYS remind me of drugs. AND GUESS WHAT. I WAS RIGHT. there was weed in that baggie when i reached out to check it LMAO?? the situation was rlly funny ngl, i was thinking, aight if ur kidz r gonna piss me off, i might as well steal yallz weed out of spite! jk i didnt. BUT! there was a PURE CBD CANNABIS lollipop on their desk n i decided to TAKE IT BAHAHHAHAHA i sucked it too n i felt....NOTHING! im not usually this nosey but i would lie if i say i wasnt! n then shit got weirder lmao. i went back to putting some toys in their specific boxes n i noticed on top of a wardrobe some condoms, lube AND SOME HANDCUFFS??? THEY WERENT EVEN SOME FUZZY HANDCUFFS THEY WERE LIKE STRAIGHT UP LEGIT SILVERISH HANDCUFFS. these parents rlly be fukin around, n they chatolic too n they go to church weekly lmaaaooo istg it always be the RELIGIOUS ones.
18 may 2022
i hate summer
always been wondering why im most sad and down during summer, things didnt use to be like this when i was younger istg i was always excited for summer bcuz summer meant SUMMER VACATION and free time and no stress and beach or mountain time or visiting grannies time or bla bla bla. but now that im hella AWARE of the time passing by and that things are getting WORSE and more DIFFICULT by year, ive started to detest it. summer is for extroverted ppl, not for me. everyone hangs out DAILY during summer and i HATE going outside. summer means lookin for shit to do because the day IS SO LONG and i OFTEN get bored and then get stuck in my head, its like inevitable. i no longer have the attention span to watch tv series or stuff like that. summer means getting NAKEYYYY!!! I HATE BEING NAKEYYY!!! MY LEGS AND MEN DESTROY EVERYTHING!!! MY LEGS LOOK LIKE TWO HANGING SPAGHETTIS W LIL CUTS ON THEM, THEYRE MORE THAN PALE, U CAN SEE EVERY AND EACH VEIN IN THEM AND FOR SOME REASON I CANT TAN???? my body just simply rejects the sun. its like i was literally never meant for this time of the year. i hate revealing clothing, it was never meant for me istg. i also hate when things come to an end like highschool and now, university. im gonna miss em sm, i already miss highschool even tho i was bullied and hated in there and it all just sucked, i just miss the simpler times!!! im gonna miss univerity........really badly.....doing shit to show teachers, feeling like u have some type of purpose, seeing ur colleagues EVEN IF I DONT RLLY TALK TO THEM! endings always happen during summer. yall get fooled bcuz of the sun but im telling you summer is nothing but hell n im typing this w tears in my eyes. what a depressing season. im getting older and i cant stand it and im scared and afraid
13 may 2022
ADDED NEW STUFF
the gallery section of the site is finally done! added my modified dolls too im so proud of my workz lmao. killed another 2 roaches idk why theyre not gone YET! my dermatitis is still not fukin gone, i got some fungus on my left ear, I SRSLY need more vitamin D and sun BUT AYE I DYED MY HAIR BACK TO HOW IT USED TO BE!
11 may 2022
FINALLY WARM WATER
THE WARM WATER IS BACK N I FINALLY TOOK A PROPER SHOWER N SHAVED MY BUSH! also FUN FACT, i love givin money to street buskers or donate it to different charities like, for example, donating whatever i can for abortion clinics n for abortion rights. makes me feel like im actually useful n like i actually have a purpose in this world! lmao just makes me feel like less of a waste of a human being just sayin.
7 may 2022
im a nightmare
i keep getting triggered by the smallest things people do and then i split bcuz of my bpd i fucking hate this shit dude, ive ruined so many friendships or potential friendships bcuz of this. the main thing that has been triggering me for a WHILE are people that unfollow my socials. i had this app that tracks down each unfollow i get on instagram and i used it for years n I FINALLY UNINSTALLED IT TODAY YAY! thats, only after a small altercation with a fellow dj friend that i met irl n talked to a couple of times so therefor i took their UNFOLLOW quite personally n started rambling my mouth on my insta stories bout em being rich n spoiled n privileged TBH I DID NOT LIE LMAO but it was not necesarry to make our business public. im all about the people that come out of dirt not people that ALREADY HAVE IT ALL BEFORE THEM! they came forward to me after asking them why they unfollowed n told me they just didnt like the way i speak about people which i found kinda odd bcuz I SAY THINGS THE WAY THEY FUCKING ARE! but indeed i should stop talkin bout ppl behind their backs on my stories lmaaoooooo although it is quite fun sometimes but nah im done w that shit. i would LOVE some therapy but that shit is so expensive it will only make me feel like a failure of a child towards my parents that will have to spend their money on me n i dont want that, i hate that in fact, ive always been hustling for pocket money n other shit or even shoplifted for years, i hate having my parents pay for my stuff.
6 may 2022
bachelor's degree bla bla bla
im rlly happy n content with how everything is coming together regarding my art degree also johnny depp is just as trash as amber ngl hes such a loser, maybe amber is shittier but hearing how big of a drug addict he was.....nothing finna surprise me anymore. AND WHEN AMBER SAID JOHNNY WAS PROVIDING HER DAD WITH DRUGS???? what a fucking loser. hollywood is HELL its FULL of drugs aint nobody clean there and everyone sellin their soul, havin 18 yo jaden smith smoke weed with an underage lily rose bruh....just play league of legends smh fukin kids istg. kids these days dont even look like kids anymore, they all wanna be grown so bad its horrifying.
5 may 2022
NO WARM WATER, FEELIN LIKE A CAVEMAN!
god hates me, after i was finally done comin out of the cockroach den, now the warm water is cut off in the majority of Bucharest...im quite happy with how the website is comin along i still have much to learn and mistakes to fix but this is definetly a fun new hobby, i just hope i dont lose interest fast as i usually do with any new thing i start.......currently struggling with changing the webamp's skin. also today im pissed at lgbtq+ individuals that use their sexuality as their only personality trait and for internet attention or that try to manipulate weak or insecure or mentally disturbed people into labeling themselves with different terms. i hate to say it but being part of the lgbtqa+ community is starting to become a trend now especially on the internet but irl too cuz of teenagers who think things TOO much and RUSH.
4 may 2022
CUCARACHA HUNT IS OVER YAY
total cockroach count: 10, found one alive this mornin and 2 dead under my bed while having an intensive cleaning session in my room. also found a larvae w bebez mdfkrs were fukin under my bed bruh......ANYWAYZ warm water got cut off til 7th may! its a great life being a balkan individual! went over to visit bff n watch a movie n make sure she all good WHICH SHE IS she was hella down these past few weeks cuz her uni been fukin her up til she finally gave up... she a college drop out now thats so CAMP lmao.....dont u EVER decide to study korean language EVER!
3 may 2022
the cucaracha hunt has started
didnt sleep, stayed up all night to hunt down all those lil annoying fuckers, luckily our administrator called sum pest control people to take care of the infestation around our entire block cuz the whole place was FILLED. also, teacher loved the clay art i did god bless! my throath got iritated n dry af from inhaling all that RAID ugh.
2 may 2022
woke up in the middle of the night to some sounds like something was fukin w my bag of chips i left on the floor before falling asleep n i swear i thought it was the ghost that sometimes roams around my room BUT NAH IT WAS A FUCKING HUGE BLACK ADULT COCKROACH MAN! A GHOST WOULDVE BEEN MUCH BETTER ISTG! i flashed my phone towards the floor to see wth was making that noise n it was that lil shit roamin rent free in my bag of chips n it walked away hella fast when it noticed the light from my phone n hid under my desk. safe to say i did not sleep in my room that night, i went to my mom n in the morning i sprayed raid on every corner n every crevice n bruh 2 huge black cucarachas came out dying n one of them HAD EGGS ON ITS BACK??? GROSS! never leaving my food on the floor EVER AGAIN! LESSON LEARNED!
1 may 2022
did sum new art for uni
shout out to my autistic brother for inspiring me to play w clay n do clay art ON PAPER shit was so fun n my teacher said its an interesting idea indeed!
30 april 2022
IM SICK UGH
DONT DRINK COLD BEVERAGES FRESH OUT THE FRIDGE ON A COLD MORNING! MY NECK N NOSE R SUFFERING BCUZ OF MY FOOLISH DECISIONS
28 april 2022
FINALLY THE SACRED TASTE OF A PINK SLIM CIGARETTE
shout out to the pink pall-mall s-lines n to my sis for smoking them n inspiring me to stop smokin marlboro, what a legend. AND ALSO WE CANT FORGET BOUT THE VITAMIN B WATER!!! vitamin B is givin me the bombest dreams n i cannot go without drinkin that shit at least once 2 days, i highly recommend if u want crazy ass dreams!
27 april 2022
not much happenin!
ive been listening to the johnny depp n amber heard court case like its some podcast lmaaoooo but holy fuck when that pych doctor started talking about bpd, bruh she was describing me shit was weird BUT at least now i know how to express myself to my psychiatrist! also cant wait to go out tomorrow to go buy myself shit, ill have to visit my uni too but we wont talk bout that cuz we hate art universities in this house!
26 april 2022
MONEEEEEEEYYYY MONEY MONEY
FINALLY GOT MY MONEY FOR MY FIRST GIG I PLAYED MUSIC AT WOOHOO, took long enough but now i can finally fix my trashy dyed hair n treat myself to more cancer aka cigz cuz its been a very VERY stressful week!!!! its a pisces retrograde so it explains a lot but my bpd does just as well. i been acting so off and weird lately n i am personally scared, ill have to talk n open up more towards my psychiatrist, i been visiting her since october but yet i still cant find the strenght n courage in me to talk about certain things SHITS HARD MAAANNN its so much easier to talk mental stuff thru texts cuz ur talking to a little icon/pfp rather than an actual human being thats staring at u n judging u n makes faces that u cant decode n bla bla bla
25 april 2022
I PUBLISHED IN ANOTHER MAGAZINE!
lmao i got in a lil open call for REVISTA SUBTEXT n they loved my artworks n decide to publish it in their new number! have a LOOK!(my stuff starts at page 24 n ends at page 27)
24 april 2022